Jet Lagged

I didn’t realise how much jet lag would affect me.  Perhaps it could be due to me growing older, or it could be an accumulation of all lack of sleep.  I travel quite a bit since I was young – so jet lag wasn’t a big deal for me.  I would just sleep it off.  This time round, I averaged 4-5 hours of sleep on a 26-30 hour journey on a plane each way.  Also, prior to the trip, I only averaged 6 hours of sleep.  Thus in short, I probably was lacking quite a bit in the sleep department as I need 8 hours of sleep to begin with.

The good thing about this was that I’ve realised I need to build up my stamina & health – not just in the area of diet – so I told myself I’ll need to start exercising.  As soon as I said that, for the next 2 mornings since I arrived in Singapore, it was raining every morning – so it ruled out having a jog with my dogs.  But on the 2nd morning, I took 2 of my dogs to walk up & down 4 levels with me.  Nicole made it twice & Nikki made it thrice.  Actually, they could do much more but I didn’t let them run up with me all the time as they went to a neighbour’s house & caused their dog to bark at 5+ in the morning!

I’ve been sleeping at 4+pm in the afternoon till the next morning, waking up only for a bite for dinner.  I know dinner so late is bad but I was so tired & had to get a bit as I cut down on my intake for lunch & even skipped lunch after a heavy breakfast on Sunday morning with my parents.  Was a great time at breakfast as we met some relatives & I could see that my dad was really glad coz we haven’t had breakfast at the Marine Parade market in the longest time – since I was below 10 years old or so?  It did bring back lots of memories & I get carrot cake – one of my favourite breakfast items from that market – but somehow, it didn’t taste so good.  Then I got a bowl of fishball noodles – which was yummy – compared to the instant noodles I had in Dallas.

Being jet lagged means I wake up really early & sleep very early as well.  I pray that I’ll make it through today in 1 piece as I’m planning to go into the office at 7:30am so that I can knock off at 4:30pm & hopefully come home for a short nap before going for a church meeting.  Hoping I’ll be awake for that session & adjust back to Singapore’s timing  quickly.  It’s said that it takes 1 day to get over 1 hour of jet lag.  Perhaps it’s been a struggle coz it’s a 13 hour difference & I was there for 6 days & back here again – so haven’t fully adjusted either way as yet.

Simplicity

I’d like to think that I’m a gal who’s simple at heart.  But yet sometimes being forced by the world or situations to be seemingly more complex.  I believe all of us are simple at heart but make a constant choice on whether we want to remain simple or complex about various aspects of our lives.  Most of us would like to just find the right partner & settle down & have kids, live simply & not let life crowd us into a corner.

Simplicity is good & is very easy to live if others around us were simple as well.  Unfortunately, it becomes complex when those around us have other motives/objectives/thoughts that are more complex – that’s when we need to think deeper into the situation & try to read in between the lines.  It makes it really hard to live life if we continue with the complexity.

I was watching the movie “The Back-Up Plan” – where this gal couldn’t find her life partner & decided to get artificially inseminated.  Thereafter, she meets the guy who she falls in love with & does everything backwards in style, while her boyfriend has to come to terms with the fact that he’ll be the father to twins who aren’t his kids.  To begin with, I disagree with the values of artificial insemination or IVF or any other way of getting pregnant, other than how God created us to be.  I also disagree with pre-marital sex.  However, I could feel for this girl as she just wanted what she thought was best in the absence of finding a life partner.  Although the temptation is always there to flow against my beliefs & values, it’s important to know what we value & live by it.

It brought to mind about how everyone perceives things differently.  Even the simplest of things may be differ between individuals.  To some, having a simple weekend off might be going off to the forest for some hiking or admiring nature.  For others, it might be just sleeping at home.  I shan’t delve into that but I hope you can see my point here.  In short, we’re all different individuals that God has created us with a unique mix & different things drive us.  Some drive us to the point of excitement & anticipation, whilst others may drive us up the wall.  😛

It’s sometimes difficult to live simply in a complex world where norms may differ with our personal values.  However, it is also important to note that as we grow, we tend to grow up steeped with values that we never knew we had when we were younger – or those values might deepen or be changed over the years.  I recall when I was younger, I had issues with commitment to such a great extent that the guys whom I was dating, were really patient with me as I didn’t even commit to going out with them till very last minute.  On the contrary, when I grew up & realised that it was something that was frustrating, I decided that if I were to commit to something, I should stick to it & thus, ensured that i gave a definitive answer whereever possible & stuck to that commitment.  I saw that value & stuck to it much later in life.  I still remembered a childhood friend who I grew up with, calling me & asking if I would like to go to a party with him.  I wasn’t interested with him but didn’t want to say no – so I told him I’ll let him know on the day of the party.  I think the party meant a lot to him coz he ended up asking another person.  He’s now happily married with 3 kids & we’re still in touch with each other.

Things became more complicated when I grew up as I saw how people were motivated – guys when motivated to do something would start off really enthusiastically & when they were motivated – whether it was being challenged or wanting to win their peers, they would go all the way out.  However, gals were slightly different in terms of motivation.  Perhaps it was also a mixture of personalities that allowed people to be motivated differently & also react differently.  I prefer being motivated & working towards it progressively & steadily, despite it being slow – as I like to think things through, pray it through & ask God to direct my steps along the way.  I wasn’t like this previously – in fact, I was rash as compared to prudent now and many a times, God had to speak to me personally about not running before His timing.  I still do plan ahead & rush before God at times but I choose to do so only in my thoughts & plans but to lay it before the Lord & as He guides, I’ll work things out slowly & steadily.

In short, I pray that I’ll always be a simple gal at heart, despite the complexity of the world.  However the bible also says in Mt 10:16 “I am sending you out like sheep among wolves. Therefore be as shrewd as snakes and as innocent as doves”.  Thus we need both to survive in this complex world.  Lord, keep my heart pure & sweet before you always!

Time to Set Mind & Heart on Jesus!

The past week has been challenging – not just in aspect of work itself, but also a few things I’m mulling over.  It hasn’t been easy & likely to get more busy with work.  Unfortunately, this half of the year, I’ll be out of town quite a bit as well – at least 4 weekends will be spent out of town for work & holidays (separate occasions).

Some news struck me this past week & I was praying about it & concerned about how it’ll affect others.  Even today, I got some other news that really made me see the immense need for believers to gather around in prayer for one another.  To cover one another & to really pray for breakthroughs.  I’m surprised at the immense amount of things that the enemy has done & is doing in our midst & praying for God to really cover each & every one of our hearts.  I’m shaken at all that’s happened but also a need is stirring within me to really get down on my knees.

Had many weird dreams as well, although it’s not as much as previously.  Perhaps coz I’ve been sleeping late since my Ipoh trip – usually around midnight or later & also getting up earlier (somehow being woken by the spirit at 6am or thereabouts).  But God has been good in his constant reassurances that all His promises are “Yes & Amen”.  I realised that sometimes, we may need a spouse to come alongside & reassure us, alternatively, if we have a good relationship with God our Father, then He can be our reassurance as well.

Tough times are up ahead & I believe great times will come thereafter.  For now, it’s been a difficult journey – a painful one as I see various things happening around me.  But yet, I’m coming to a place where I realise I can only remain in Him & seek after His continual presence in my life.

Perspectives

This morning, I had an interesting encounter.  I went to the SAM machine across my office (on the way to work) to settle some credit card bills.  Previous usage of this machine told me that only 1 of the machines could be used (coz I used to buy stamps & needed to weigh the items).  That machine was being used by someone else buying stamps.  I stood & waited in line, despite the empty machine next to me.  The guy who was buying stamps kept glancing over his back as I inched closer to him as someone came to clear the rubbish at the machine that was empty.  I was deep in thought for quite a while, till I realised that he was wondering why I wasn’t using the other machine instead.  At that point in time, I turned around to use the empty machine & was thinking how my previous experience with the machine caused me to ‘abandon hope’ in the fact that the machine was usable.

It brought to mind how sometimes, I’m hindered by perspectives due to either previous experiences or hear-say.  Often, I believe these much more than keeping an open mind & unconsciously, I close up my mind to many things around me.  I’m praying & asking God to open my mind & my heart to what’s happening around me – both at the workplace & in ministry, as well as in my family.  I need to open my eyes to the work of His hands to a much greater extent.  To broaden my perspectives & to stretch my faith.  I’ve grown in trusting the Lord & riding upon His timing – but I need to do this ssssoooooooo much more.  Help me, O Lord!

Hope Ipoh Missions Trip

This trip has a long history.  It was already in plans since Oct last year & was meant to be in April this year.  Subsequently, it was postponed till I felt that it couldn’t be postponed any later.  Things started getting confirmed about 1.5 months prior to the trip & it was a hectic time of preparation as many of us were getting very caught up with work as well.

There were 2 objectives to this trip & it was to catch up & encourage a brother in christ & secondly, to bless the church as much as we could.  We prayed as a team that we would be able to fulfill both objectives & even set for ourselves a goal that we would do something different on this trip & really rely on God.  Indeed, we were led to do many things differently from previous trips & also, it was different in terms of having to prepare a lot more compared to previous trips.  It was unfortunate that we didn’t have more time to prepare, else I would have preferred to conduct workshops instead of teachings (the difference being the level of interaction).  However, as we step out in faith, God moves!

This missions team was from Y’s CG & the team dynamics was there as they have been together for so long & have accepted each other despite their differences.  We had someone laughing when watching comedies, which disrupted some of our sleep in the coach on the way to Ipoh.  We also had an ‘elephant blowing his trumpet’ in our midst.  We ate a lot during this trip.  Think I’ve got to get some new clothes for my wardrobe as a result – but we were mightily blessed by the people who extended their hospitality to us (perhaps beyond their comfort level as well).

Aunt A who opened her house for the entire team of 6 of us to stay & allowed us to use the bathroom in her bedroom for those who needed heated water coz the heater in the common toilet just broke down recently.  CL & J who lent us the use of their car during our trip there so that we didn’t have to rent one.  J, A & KH who chaffered us around.  The other core team in Ipoh who also blessed us with their fellowship & testimonies.  We kept Aunt A up almost every night to have fruits & fellowship with us as we shared about our day & she was so obliging, despite her normal sleeping hours to be about 10pm or so, she sometimes stayed up till midnight with us & woke up early the next morning for work still.

Also, I felt bad as I felt that we were also facing some sort of spiritual attack that was affecting the church members in Ipoh.  On the first night there, A’s car got into an accident where someone crashed into her car.  On the 3rd day, J got a ticket for overtaking (actually, it seemed more like asking for a bribe).  Anyhow, we prayed really hard on both incidents that God will continue to protect us as we already started praying for that prior to the trip.  I can only imagine what else would have gone wrong if we didn’t intercede & pray from the beginning.

M was really nice to encourage me on the way, giving me some feedback on the sermon preparation I had done as well as to share what God impressed him for this trip we were making – indeed, we were all filled with greater faith after hearing from him.  He shared that he sensed that we would meet up with our brother-in-christ & that we would make an impact during this trip.  I believe we achieved both beyond our wildest imagination!

So many things happened during this trip that really boosted my faith & trust in the Lord & I could see how He used me even as I availed myself.  This is my 6th missions trip (Sydney, Solo, Uganda, Yogjakarta, Kota Kinabalu, Ipoh) & every experience has been an enriching one.  I’m really glad I went for this trip, despite having questioned myself why did I previously agree to it as I was so busy & caught up with work.  Praise God for what He’s doing in our church as a movement.

I strongly believe that there will be a revival in Ipoh as they choose to set their eyes & focus on God.  During this trip, we heard about 3 conversions already!  God is really faithful!

Thinking

I’ve been thinking a lot lately.  In fact, I’ve been thinking very hard about many things as I’ve been felt burdened in my heart about many things.  It has really caused me to think about the effectiveness of doing certain things, how to change things around, how should I continue from here & most of all, I’ve been thinking about how much more I need to partner with God to see changes in every aspect of my personal, family, work & ministry life.

I’ve made some spirit-led decisions along the way and really seen a few breakthroughs in my personal life as I’ve made those decisions.  Indeed, God has been faithful.  In fact, I was surprised to see someone sitting alone on Sunday & started sharing about ministry & what’s been on my heart.  Even more surprising was how the conversation turned out & it really encouraged me greatly & also given me a clearer idea on how to forge ahead.

I’m trembling inside with fear & excitement on how to move ahead.  Many feelings I can’t quite explain, express or share as I’m waiting for the right moment to do so.  As I’m consolidating my thoughts & putting it into perspective & ensuring that they flow smoothly, I’m also praying that I will have the courage to do certain things as a leader.  Indeed, it takes a lot of courage to be a leader as many a times, I have felt chided for making decisions, whilst at other times, I’m being encouraged for making those same decisions.  Sometimes, it’s very confusing as a person as to constitutes to a good decision – especially since I’m leading a diverse group of people.  Thankfully I’m still able to speak into certain individuals lives & I really thank those who have also spoken into my life.  It’s been a tough time personally as I really seek to help everyone to move & grow in Christ-likeness.  Many a times, I find myself asking why I’m not growing fast enough or why I’m not loving God more.  But more often than not, of recent times, I find myself crying as I sense the Holy Spirit grieving over various matters that drives me to pray even more & desire to see greater breakthroughs.

I’m praying that God will really guide me through this tough time.  To be on a peak, we got to go through the valleys to be able to better appreciate the peaks & also, to know how to sustain longer on the peak.  I’m praying that we will as a group really surpass our previous peaks in our walk with God but more than that, we’ll be able to sustain that & grow into spiritual giants in the days to come.  May God always be with us!

Amazed!

I was counting my blessings one day, then some bad news came across my path & I started complaining.  I reminded myself of the Israelites who celebrated victoriously when they overcame the enemy & then complaining the next moment when they felt they were in lack.  The only reason why they were in lack were because they were looking at their own pair of hands & said that “It is impossible”.  Indeed, “It is impossible with man, but with GOD, ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE!”.

I just heard some great news of how a sister who had to provide for her family by faith started tithing this year & has not failed to see how God has blessed her abundantly in her job.  I was complaining about not getting a promotion for the longest time but was reminded that getting a promotion 2 years into a new career choice – that’s a feat by itself, considering that one of those years was when my company was undergoing a promotion freeze.  Indeed, I’m amazed!

I’m amazed by how the Holy Spirit has been stirring within me a burden to pray for various people in the unit for the past month or so.  Indeed, He knows my weakness & He wakes me up without fail at 5+ or 6am to pray for them.  I’ve now become more of a morning person & much less of a day person……correction….actually, I’ve been more of a morning person (waking up earlier) but still being more productive in the day, compared to at night.

Actually, I’m amazed at the energy I’ve got for work, ministry & family.  Thank God for His providence of rest when I needed it, a mind that’s set & focused when I need to be so that I can accomplish much more.  I’m thankful I can influence my little nephew, although I don’t spend as much time with him as I’d like to, but he does respond very well to me teaching him to play the guitar (of course he’s playing his toy guitar), teaching him some christian songs, telling him bible stories etc.  I’m praying that he’ll grow up to be a good influence in the entire family to bring his parents & his grandparents (yes, that’s my parents) to church!

I’m only young once, although not as young anymore, but I want to live a life that’s impactful & enriching to others regardless of what I do, think or say & I pray that I may finish the race victoriously in Christ.  Thank God for helping me through some difficult periods in my life of decision making.  I’m so thankful for Your guidance & providence!

Trust

As children, we have a tendency to trust those who take care of us – more so when we were helpless (especially when we were infants & toddlers).  It reminded me of the trust that my dogs of me – that I as their owner will love them, feed them & take care of them.  Such that even when I get upset with them & punish them, they still trust me nevertheless, resolutely & totally.  Even after giving them a whacking for barking or for being greedy & gobbling up food that I dropped, they still respond to me with endearing love.

Over time, as we grow & mature and face a variety of people, many a times, we find it difficult to trust others.  Perhaps as children, we have grown numb to the empty promises made by our parents that if we were good, we’ll get this or that & if we scored well, we would get a holiday.  Sadly, many parents instill a lack of trust in their children from a young age.  Therefore, I’m very careful not to make empty promises to my nephew and try  my best to deliver what I’ve promised – not just to him, but to everyone around me.  I recall in my growing up years, many friends have given me empty promises that repeatedly broke my trust in them.  So much so that I’ll know that certain people can’t be trusted & I attempted to do to them what they did to me.  I passed that off as being street-smart.

When I started out working, I realised that I needed to be trustworthy, else it’ll affect those around me & thus worked at being trustworthy.  There have been many times that I’ve been disappointed as others did not return that same characteristic to me.  It became disappointment with people.  I try to be consistent in all that I do & say and sometimes, I face disappointments especially with people who try to pass themselves off as friends but they keep questioning everything I do – my motives, my heart, my objectives etc.  It’s quite tiring as a friend to share with others about that for everything I do.  I’ve realised that many people are very skeptical about friendships & the intention of others.

The world would be a much better place should people learn how to trust others.  As a believer, trusting others to me, is closely intertwined with us trusting God.  If we trust God, then we should learn how to trust others.  Even if others let us down (which may happen quite often), we need to trust that God has something in mind to have allowed this to happen.  If we trust God, we will never be disappointed as we need to understand that God is in control & surrender to God our rights.  It’s a lot easier said than done, but something that we have to do nevertheless – putting our faith before ourselves.

Therefore, the world will disappoint, even myself will disappoint others despite trying my best to honour what I say.  It’s a lot easier to be consistent with what we say & do to everyone & be ourselves than living a life behind a mask.  It’s very sad when people do not appreciate us for daring to be ourselves.  Nevertheless, I’m thankful for the one who has never let me down (contrary to what I may view at times).  I’m thankful that I’ve found a best friend in Jesus who’s always there for me all the time.  I’m still growing in my trust in the Lord & pray that I’ll finish the race & fight the good fight victoriously!

Stretched!

The past week was a stretched week for me both @ work & in ministry.  As I look at my calendar, I’m wondering how I’ll be able to cope in the coming weeks with so many things to do upcoming.  This weekend was a time where  I decided to bring home work to clear but was too tired to clear any as I had to complete quite a few other matters that required my urgent attention.

I’m praying that God will empower me this upcoming week with strength & wisdom as there’s so many things in store.  Last night, I received an sms from SY to pray for her colleague whom she was bringing to another church to cross the line of faith.  As I did my QT this morning, I said a quick prayer & raised this up for our region intercessory prayer as well as our pre-service prayer.  Indeed God is faithful as the colleague crossed the line of faith!!! PTL!

The past week was the start of having more regular conference calls for work related matters & due to time differences, the calls were at night.  I’ve been waking up earlier in the mornings for a few weeks now & the past week was still waking up at 6am (automatically to pray) or 6:30am (when the alarm rang).  I’m becoming more of a morning person now as compared to before.  However, I had to sleep in on Saturday as I was drained out.

Met 2 polymates for lunch on Sat & amazed at how each of us have moved on over the past 14 years.  As we were reminiscing the old days where we had so much fun together, I was amazed I did the most stupid thing then.  I’ve always told myself that I need to break out of the mould & one of the things I did as a part time student was to go back to school on the weekends to study (that was before I came to know God in a personal way).  During one such time, I went back & saw that the gate was closed.  I thus proceeded to climb the gate & got into the compound to study with my friends.  When we finished for the day, we walked to the gate & I was telling them we gotta climb over it.  They were puzzled as they proceeded to the gate to unhinge it & walk out.  I was flabbergasted!  In fact, one of them said that I made her laugh the most coz of things I said or did.  It’s amazing how we got thus far & I’m glad we met up to catch up.  Both my polymates are married & one of the with 3 boys!  Well, as usual, the topic got around to me not being married yet & the married one not have kids yet.  So it was all typical but it was a really fun time getting nostalgic over lunch!

I then spent the afternoon taking a short nap, followed by preparing for Sunday’s program as I had quite a few meetings & also teaching to prepare.  I was so tired at the end of the day I fell asleep at 9:30pm!  Indeed, as we’re embarking in the year of intentional discipleship, the Lord has been putting quite a few things into my heart with regards to ministry & friendships.  I’m convicted that I need to fast & pray more regularly to see breakthroughs in my personal life, as well as in the lives of each individual in the group.  While I still lack the faith to see vibrancy & revival, I’m asking God to grant me a heart of faith & eyes to see that He is doing a mighty work in our midst.   I’ve been so encouraged to hear of 2 people crossing the line of faith because individuals in our group shared & invited faithfully.  This is going to be a year of personal breakthroughs for each individual in our group.  I don’t see it, but I feel it in my spirit.  Do join me in this journey of faith!

Revived!

I decided to revive this blog coz sometimes, twitter just can’t type enough of my thoughts.  Which makes me wonder, am I that contemplative a person or just a talkative one?

Anyways, I’ve been really encouraged repeatedly since yesterday by the Lord.  Was reminded of God’s faithfulness in my life & that made me even more stubborn to press on & be steadfast in the Lord despite a few things that I’ve been going through lately.

Praise God for the various doors He has opened for me in my life & also the doors He has closed.  Perhaps I was inspired also as I’m currently doing the book of Job for my QT.  I’m humbled by what Job went through & through it all, Job remained stubborn in the Lord.  Stubbornness indeed can be a good thing.

Today at work, I was clearing some stuff from my tank & talking to my boss when a colleague interrupted by asking me why I was still around (it was almost 7pm).  I was surprised at her question as it’s not unusual for me to stay at that hour but then she followed up by letting me know that it was going to rain soon.  I quickly packed up & left the office as I cycled to the MRT in the morning.  I wanted to get home on my bike before it rained.  Then as I unlocked the bike, I felt a few drops of rain & was cycling crazily & praying that God would hold the rain.  It’s almost 11pm & it hasn’t rained yet.  Indeed prayer is powerful!

I’ve been considering to get an electric scooter to go to the MRT & then fold it up to take on the train.  Incidentally, I was talking to a colleague who used to ride a motorbike & ran through the idea with her.  She gave me certain pointers about what to look out for & I was amazed coz when I analysed her pointers & took note of the route I usually take home, I have to admit that I’ll unlikely get a scooter due to the fact that I might have to keep getting on & off.  The weight was always a consideration coz at 8.5kg, it’s quite hefty.  So I doubt I’ll get it – unless I can get something dirt cheap that even if I don’t use subsequently, I wouldn’t regret.

It’s amazing how God puts various ones along my path to encourage me for various reasons.  Last week I just met up with C from Sydney & also S from Singapore.  Was sad to hear that S has left the church but glad that she was still wanting to grow in her relationship with God & has since joined another church.  We had a great time of catching up over ice cream, waffles & brownie.  In fact, last week, I’ve had 2 supper occasions over ice cream & brownies – which is fairly unusual for me.  I love ice cream but I don’t take it that much coz it’s cold & sweet.  But they were shared with friends & it was really fantastic time of catching up.  Need to do this more often in my life.

I’ve been pondering/deliberating over the past few weeks about my priorities in life due to quite a few factors that have been happening.  I haven’t quite confirmed anything yet, but I sure do feel that God is guiding me in making my decision as He’s bringing me to certain points in my life to review what I should concentrate on.  There’s just so many things to be done that I cannot afford the time to just sit back & sulk & I gotta pick up my feet to get moving.  I’m praying for a greater sense of God’s presence in  my life & praying that the group that I’m leading will encounter God in their individual way as they too desire to draw close to God.

I’m looking forward to what’s ahead coz I know only good things can come.  I know that last month was meant to be a milestone for me & so would the month of Jul.  Indeed, Mar has been a milestone in helping me realise many things & decide to stand resolutely for God & also for the church.  On the other hand, God has also granted me wisdom in my housing situation & added unto me patience in waiting for His promises which are “Yes & Amen!”.