Thinking
I’ve been thinking a lot lately. In fact, I’ve been thinking very hard about many things as I’ve been felt burdened in my heart about many things. It has really caused me to think about the effectiveness of doing certain things, how to change things around, how should I continue from here & most of all, I’ve been thinking about how much more I need to partner with God to see changes in every aspect of my personal, family, work & ministry life.
I’ve made some spirit-led decisions along the way and really seen a few breakthroughs in my personal life as I’ve made those decisions. Indeed, God has been faithful. In fact, I was surprised to see someone sitting alone on Sunday & started sharing about ministry & what’s been on my heart. Even more surprising was how the conversation turned out & it really encouraged me greatly & also given me a clearer idea on how to forge ahead.
I’m trembling inside with fear & excitement on how to move ahead. Many feelings I can’t quite explain, express or share as I’m waiting for the right moment to do so. As I’m consolidating my thoughts & putting it into perspective & ensuring that they flow smoothly, I’m also praying that I will have the courage to do certain things as a leader. Indeed, it takes a lot of courage to be a leader as many a times, I have felt chided for making decisions, whilst at other times, I’m being encouraged for making those same decisions. Sometimes, it’s very confusing as a person as to constitutes to a good decision – especially since I’m leading a diverse group of people. Thankfully I’m still able to speak into certain individuals lives & I really thank those who have also spoken into my life. It’s been a tough time personally as I really seek to help everyone to move & grow in Christ-likeness. Many a times, I find myself asking why I’m not growing fast enough or why I’m not loving God more. But more often than not, of recent times, I find myself crying as I sense the Holy Spirit grieving over various matters that drives me to pray even more & desire to see greater breakthroughs.
I’m praying that God will really guide me through this tough time. To be on a peak, we got to go through the valleys to be able to better appreciate the peaks & also, to know how to sustain longer on the peak. I’m praying that we will as a group really surpass our previous peaks in our walk with God but more than that, we’ll be able to sustain that & grow into spiritual giants in the days to come. May God always be with us!
